North Western Hemisphere

Volume XIII
Issue 7
July 2010

North Western Hemisphere

If you have seen a blimp or at least suspect that you have seen a blimp, add your report to this page by completing the report form and submitting it to the Globe-Guardian. Anyone who provides a report automatically becomes a member of the Blimp Spotters Brigade, earning advancement through the ranks with each incident sent.

DATE: April 26, 2010
TIME: 9:07 a.m. EDT
LOCATION: Whitby, Ontario, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Mike

Taking the dogs out for their customary walk, when I looked up and saw the blimp, silent and ominous. It seemed to be heading in a southerly direction at 1,000 feet. I suspect it was trying to determine if I was picking up the dog poop. (I was) I felt very violated!

DATE: November 16, 2009
TIME: 7:03 a.m. (or was it p.m.?)
LOCATION: Ellesmere Island, Canada
SPOTTER: Col. Dick

The air outside was a pleasant -6 degrees Fahrenheit, but inside the tent it was downright steamy.

The elevated temp was as much a function of the insulating properties of the space-age tent materials as it was the heat that radiated from Academy Award winning actress and timeless beauty Cloris Leachman’s and my naked body.

Cloris, you see, is the Yin to my Yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, the dingle to my berry. And a long wintry weekend alone in a tent with Cloris at Canada’s northernmost point – Ellesmere Island – with nothing but a Heckler & Koch PSG-1 sniper rifle, the clothes on our backs and 4 gallon jugs of Russian vodka, is catnip to my libido.

On day two – or was it day three? – Cloris and I engaged in lengthy philosophical debates about the social and economic merits of establishing a national holiday to honor toast and the primal beauty of that mole on Aaron Neville’s face, underscoring each point and counterpoint with olympic-size gulps of vodka from tumblers the size of our heads.

In the morning – or was it evening – I was performing tai-chi exercises at the edge of the camp to rid myself of toxic Vodka demons when I noticed a geographically appropriate camouflaged C-Star Class blimp silently hovering less than a chip-shot away. A quick analysis of the situation assured me the blimp and crew’s motivation was not hostile.

A few minutes later, as the blimp completed its apparent mission and began its ascent, I caught a glimpse of a man that I presume was the captain standing proudly at the helm. Unless my eyes deceived me, I believe that man to be none other than world-class swordsman and iconic thespian, Sean Connery. It appeared as if he gave me a gentle tip of his hat as he disappeared into the morning – or was it evening – light.

I never told Cloris about my encounter with Connery and the blimp. You see, the last time that Cloris, Connery and I were together resulted in several poorly considered body piercings, a missing garden gnome and lifetime ban from Buckingham Palace.

No matter, I was content to spend the last few days spooning and forking with my beloved Cloris.

PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Col. Dick has become a legendary, almost mythical, figure amidst the Blimp Spotters Brigade ranks. He began at the bottom -- a mere airship spotter basic on Aug. 1, 2002, with an incredible report from Istanbul, Turkey. Thereafter, Dick quickly rose skyward with a series of high-quality reports.

Col. Dick's nemesis appears to be none other than master swordsman Sean Connery, an arch-enemy he shares with Airship Spotter Basic Matthias (see report Feb. 14, 2007 report below) and Airship Spotter Basic Jon (see Oct. 15, 2004 report immediately preceding ASB Matthias' account).

Additional reports have come from such far-flung venues a Foz do Iguaco, Brazil, on Nov. 7, 2002; Gdansk, Poland, on Oct 14, 2005;

Who is this mysterious Dick? How does he find himself is such exotic climes under such amazing circumstances? Most importantly, why does Sean Connery so relentlessly stalk the man employing state-of-the-art airship technology unavailable to the common rabble?

DATE: November 11, 2007
TIME: Not Reported
LOCATION: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Jackson

At the 2007 British Columbia Lions Canadian Football League western conference final, a blue and yellow Goodyear blimp was spotted upon exiting the building.

DATE: November 4, 2007
TIME: 1:13 p.m. PST
LOCATION: Western Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Sean

Hi, everyone. I just stumbled upon your site and thought I would answer a at least one question that I noticed on this site. I was ground crew for several of the airships mentioned on this page including Met Life (Snoopy 1), Sanyo. I don't think I noticed Bell, but it was in western Canada during the summers of 2005 and 2006. There are only two ways to get the flight logs -- either from the occurrence log that is filled out on the hour every hour by whoever is on watch (there is someone with the ship at all times -- we used to pull 8-hour shifts) or the maintenance log kept by the mechanics to log flight hours between scheduled maintenance. The blimps you guys see are only for advertising and filming events. They're not up to an kind of secret stuff like a saw a few people hint at. It's just for fun.

DATE: February 14, 2007
TIME: 4:20 p.m.
LOCATION: Nolalu, Ontario, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Matthias

I am proud to announce that a blimp has been spotted flying past the Mesas near Nolalu, Ontario Canada.

We are, of course, used to having unusual visits from curious people here (it is Nolalu after all) however dirigibles are rather unusual and worthy of note. Wind bags on the other hand are a dime a dozen here.

The blimp moved across the Whitefish Valley from the south end of Lybster township and set down near the volunteer fire hall, where a number of sturdy locals had gathered to watch its descent. The blimp was silver in color and was several football fields long (That's Canadian football fields!).

My associate, Jon, a radish farmer from the North Farthing of Lybster township, insisted it was a zeppelin, like one he had claimed to have seen some years before. Well zeppelin or blimp, no matter, for what happened next was difficult to believe.

A long rope ladder descended from the blimp and two figures climbed down. When they reached the ground it was obvious that one of the two men was Sean Connery, or at least he looked just like him.

Jon said, "You see," over and over again to nobody in particular. Sean's companion was a tall, Nordic-looking fellow wo seemed to be mute, but he held a large wooden box in his hands. Sean pulled a set of rusty machetes from a scabbard on his belt and handed them to my friend, saying "Thanks, they came in handy more than once. Here's a little something for you." With that, he passed the wooden box the tall fellow was holding to Jon's outstretched hands.

"Uh, thanks, Sean" Jon said.

Sean smiled broadly, then climbed back up the rope ladder, his servant close behind them. Then, the blimp gained altitude and headed south out of the valley and past the Mesas. Jon set the box down on the picnic table next to the fire hall and opened it to reveal sixteen bottles of the Finest Napoleon Brandy ever seen in the Shire, which was consumed with relish by all present.

DATE: October 15, 2004
TIME: 1 p.m.
LOCATION: Lolalu, Ontario, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Jon

The blimp first appeared as I was plowing my turnip field. It moved up from the south, and from my advantage overlooking the Whitefish Valley, I watched it travel from near the southern horizon to between two large hills about 5 miles into the foreground. At this point, my wife had come outside and she called for our children to come outside to view the marvel.

At this point, I could discern the altitude, as the blimp passed in the shadow of the mesa, thus making it less than 1,500 ft according to our topographical map. It proceeded through the hills and crossed over the Whitefish Valley; and by now, we could determine the size of the thing. It was huge! I have seen photographs of zeppelins, and it was clearly something of that magnitude.

Now, we could make out several propellers, forcing the great machine through the sky, although we noted as yet there was no noise. Amazingly, as the airship got closer, we could see that it cast no shadow on the valley beneath it. I have to say that unnerved us quite a bit, and my wife took the children inside.

I noticed the time at that point (12:30 p.m.) and realized we had been standing there for about 20 minutes by that time. As for speed, I figure The blimp was moving very fast. It made it from close to the horizon to directly over our home in 20 minutes. This would suggest that it was cruising at the speed of a jet aircraft, or close to.

As to the motivation of the controllers of the blimp, that was made plain moments later, when a long rope ladder fell from the sky and landed close by our tractor in the front yard. Incredulous, I walked over to the window and looked up to see two figures descending from the zeppelin, now only a hundred feet over head.

Amazingly, although the airship obscured the sky the was very little shadow on the field. The figures clearly appeared to be men, so I walked out to meet them, while my wife covered my advance with the scattergun. The first figure hit the ground and straightened himself slowly and with care, his back turned towards me. He then turned towards me and I could clearly see that the man was Sean Connery, or at least he looked identical to him.

He raised his eyebrows and smiled. I said "Good afternoon Mr. Connery." He extended his hand and I shook it. His companion had climbed to the bottom and stood facing me as well.

Sean, his deep voice smelling of scotch, said " You don't happen to have any swords do you?" He slurred the word swords. I stood, nonplussed. "Or knives, kitchen knife, anything we can duel with? An ax um..."

I said "well I have a couple of machetes we use to clear brush with."

He said "Machetes? Excellent! Yes like a primitive cutlass! What fun!"

So, I procured the machetes for them and they squared off. The other man was a 7-foot tall Nordic giant, lean like a basketball player. Fair-haired and blue eyed, he never said a word.

"Have at it!" Sean bellowed, and rushed the Aryan. They proceeded to fight across the lawn, cutting and parrying, until Sean had a finger cut off. This slowed him for a moment but then he leapt back in to the fight, maniacal rage on his side. He drove the giant back until he was pinned to the side of the tractor and could retreat no more.

At this point, the giant reached into his left pocket and produced a dagger, and with a flick of his wrist lodged it in Sean's abdomen. Sean screamed and hacked at the giant severing an arm. The giant seemed unfa (to be continued?)

DATE: July 6, 2002
TIME: 4:30 p.m.
LOCATION: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
SPOTTER: Senior Airship Spotter Hoss

Senior Golf Tourney, above the old men putting -- sinister airship!

DATE: July 5, 2002
TIME: 6:40 p.m.
LOCATION: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter First Class Hoss

American Blimp Corp. A-150 "SANYO." On advertising mission over metropolitan Windsor and Detroit, Mich., and along northern and southern banks of Detroit River. Altitude 1000-1500 feet AGL.

DATE: June 29, 2002
TIME: 11:30 a.m.
LOCATION: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Hoss

Good Year Blimp "Spirit of Akron"; 1,000 feet approximate altitude; heading north toward downtown Detroit Michigan, USA. Did not loiter in area. Intent unknown.

DATE: July 7, 1999
TIME: Unknown
LOCATION: Peterborough, Canada
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Rachel

She was really really fat...at least 400 lbs. I had to sit next to her on the bus. It was a greyhound bus, actually. Is this helpful in your mission?

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