Volume XI
Issue 8
August 2008
Copyright
© 1998-2008
The Globe-Guardian
All Rights Reserved
ISSN: 1525-6316
Why would anyone want to join the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock?
Why?
Because CRYES offers the least rigid system of suggested beliefs and deities of any
religism on the planet.
Because CRYES allows each member to, in effect, form a personal religism personally
tailored to his or her needs and still be considered a member in good standing.
Because CRYES provides an unconditional, ironclad
guarantee of passage to an afterlife destination of choice, regardless of your behavior in
this life.
Because, as a CRYES member, you will never ever need to attend a church service, make an
"offering" or obey an annoying commandment.
Because the concept of "sin" does not exist within the CRYES dogmatic framework.
Because what you do or don't do is strictly between you and your deities.
CRYES membership is a simple process. Anyone interested in joining the congregation simply gives the Very Left Rev. Oral Groove a one-time $100 cash donation (no checks or credit cards, small bills preferred). Any member dissatisfied with the conditions of a promised afterlife situation may obtain a full refund. All requests for refunds must be made in person.
But wait! There's more!
During our ongoing special membership-building drive, all membership fees are being waived! Yes, for an unlimited time only, CRYES membership is absolutely free! You can enjoy all the guilt-free advantages of CRYES without paying a dime!
Why would anyone want to join CRYES?
Why ask why? Ask, why not?
Like to join the flock?
| Rev. Oral Groove* Sam Morris Enzo Marcos Josh Patterson |
Gary Jackson Arnold Coleman Todd Jackson Willis Bridges Phillip Bain Conrad Drummond Charlotte Garrett Edna Rae |
Adama Greene Apollo Hatch Starbuck Benedict Boomer Jefferson Jr Athena Jensen Boxey Hathaway Jolly Swartz Cassiopeia Spang |
| Bob Loudon Suzanne Hartley Tom Utley Bill Borden Julia Vanderkellen Peter Robinson Larry Sanderson Carol Wallace |
Mayim Russo Ted Russo Joey Russo Michael Russo Seven Von Oy Blossom Bialik Nick Wass Anthony Stoyanov |
John Allen Wesley Allen Barry Shipp Tina Pays Amanda McGee Alex Mendez Julio Desert Vito Bellows |
| Bea Bradley Edgar Carson Betty Jo Kaye Bobbie Jo Woodell Billie Jo Riley Charles Bedloe* Smiley Pratt Rufe Smoot |
Edward Grant Mason Hume Nancy Pynchon Jack Donovan Robert Rossi Linda Newman Daryl Price Emilio Castillo |
Corin Lewis Parker Nemec William Randall Mikey Jayne Troy Steiner Jerry Slaten Abraham Kubiac Melanie Musso |
| Elliott Peterson Bob Peterson Elinor Peterson Gladys Donahue Sam Potter Robin Potter Taylor Potter Brady Potter |
Neil Parker Alicia Leoni Jeremy Tucci Jordan Bauer Megan Lewis Ted Giamatti Ellen Rose Dennis Rocket |
Bill Coleman JoJo Cassidy Woody Fiedler Karl Wright Wendy Davis Newdell Robinson Tony Taylor Stan Jones |
| Wilton Berry Morgan Tucker Randolph Storch Jane Patterson Hannibal Hampton Duffy Steele Vanderbilt Brooks Crazy Eagle deKova |
Marty Fenster John Dickens Emmaline Dickens Dave Warshaw Mulligan Beckman Frank Bannister Arch Ingels Harry Astin |
Edison Frewer Theodora Pays Ben Coe Bryce Young Murray Tambor Blank Sheppard Dominique Tomei Ashwell Garrett |
| Sledge Rasche David Hammer Dori Martin Ann-Marie Doreau Harrison Trunk Leslie Mayjoy Patti Daley Norman Paul |
Buck Gerard Wilma Gray Tim Huer Twiki Silla Eric Theopolis Ardala Hensley Kane Silva Hawk Christopher |
Dan Simpson Julie Simpson Nancy Simpson Yeardley Simpson Hank Nahasapeemapetilon Pamela van Houten Tress Skinner Maggie Flanders* |
|
Katy Rose |
Leland Dysart Douglas Rachins Michael Hamlin Grace Dey Ann Eikenberry Arnie Bernsen Stuart Tucker Victor Smits |
|
| *deceased |
DISCLAIMER: The views, opinions and beliefs expressed by the Rev. Oral Groove and the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock do not necessarily represent the views, opinions or beliefs of the Globe-Guardian management and do not, by any stretch of the imagination, represent the views, opinions or beliefs of the Globe-Guardian staff of hundreds.