Volume XI
Issue 10
October 2008
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The Globe-Guardian
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ISSN: 1525-6316
Middle East
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DATE: August 1, 2002
TIME: 8:07 a.m.
LOCATION: Istanbul, Turkey
SPOTTER: Airship Spotter Basic Dick
I was sipping on a sloe gin fizz the size of my head late one wintry August evening in an Istanbul café. As usual, I was in a heated discussion about lemons and their role as nature’s only natural diuretic with the twice deposed Sultan of Abidin, when suddenly and quite unexpectedly his goatee became lodged in the toaster oven. Instinctively I rose from my chair and beat him about the head with the signed first-edition copy of Catcher In The Rye I had been carrying since the ferryboat capsized. Subsequent attempts to extinguish the Sultan's mounting fury and to correct the horrendous error in international protocol were futile. Shaky from the ensuing testosterone rush and not wishing to address more poorly worded questions from the local authorities, I quit the scene.
En route to more tranquil accommodations I encountered a rank old gentleman peddling an oddly shaped package in which, he claimed, could be found "the secret to the universe." Sans a significant amount of local currency or satisfactory mastery of the indigenous tongue, I exchanged a pair of bi-focal eyeglasses and a banana flavored MoonPie® for the "secret."
I made for the bench situated inside the neatly maintained city park where I made my home. While idly fondling my new treasure, I happened to notice a vintage World War II era "Nan" Class airship quietly dancing with the clouds overhead. Were it not for the llama, then I suspect I would be able to relate more about the vessel’s course and intent; but, as we all know, a randy llama should never be kept waiting.