The Hereafter Handbook

Now Available
in Paperback!

Now Available in Paperback!
(Click for Details)

The Hereafter Handbook:
Humanity's Final Hope?

The Hereafter Handbook, conceived and written in the spirit of the late, Very Left Rev. Oral Groove, has been published on Amazon.

The book is a semi-serious preview of what human beings will encounter upon passing from this Earth and going on to their rewards. The information contained was dictated the author claims, by the Supreme Being -- not unlike many previous religious tomes.

Rev. Groove, founder and pastor of the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock (CRYES), was a champion of religious tolerance. He died a little more than a decade ago under mysterious circumstances. Following its founder's untimely demise, CRYES suspended its active ministries. The essence of his church remains preserved on the Globe-Guardian site as a perpetual memorial.

The Hereafter Handbook aims at extending the existence of the Human Race, which appears to be waffle-stomping it way to extinction. The book also provides detailed information on Afterlife conditions and many of the practices the still living may adopt (or avoid) to better position themselves at Eternity's starting gate.

Excerpts from the handbook's contents follow:

The Universal Truth
If the major religions of the physical world you left behind got one thing right, it is the existence of a Supreme Being, the creator of all things, including life in all its forms, right down to reality television stars.
Think about all the attributes assigned to God – omnipresent, omnipotent, infinite, eternal, glorious, wondrous, and, of course, totally awesome. All of these apply to The Universe, surrounding us, supporting us, stretching beyond our vision and comprehension.

Mind over Matter
Even as you become familiar your new circumstances, your soul is being evaluated. Prior to assignment within the Universal Mind, your continuing consciousness will undergo an imperceptible and virtually instantaneous series of entry assessment tests. Don't worry, you can't cram for them, and no one fails – completely, anyway.

Workplace Conditions
Are you ready for the best job you could possibly imagine on either side of life? The Universe is in a unique position to provide a workplace unmatched by anything ever experienced in the physical world – even by those who bask in the sunny clime of the American economy's top one percent.
Your new benefits package includes anytime work hours, generous leisure time and boundless travel opportunities.

Communications
Put aside all the "skills" you acquired as a chronic cell phone typist. You won't need them here. You thought you had instant messaging in your physical world, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
All you need to do in this this domain is think. Yes, we're talking about what was commonly known, back on Earth, as telepathy.

Limitations
Forget about saying "howdy" to anyone you left behind on Earth. All forms of communication with the living were absolutely and permanently severed when your body died. You cannot call them, text them, tweet them or leave a message on Facebook. All you can do as a soul is observe them.

Frequently Asked Questions
No.
Both worship and its frequent companion, prayer, are strictly practices of the living. Because The Universe has no direct interaction with the Human Race, it does not need to be praised, adored, exalted or even obeyed. The only expectation of souls is that they contribute to the Universal Mind.

Let's Get Quizzical
    God Only Knows...
    A. Everything there is to know about everything
    B. Some of the things thee are to know about everything
    C. Where the time goes
    D. What I'd be without you

The Hereafter Handbook is available directly from Amazon for all versions of the Kindle and may also be viewed on many other devices, including iPad, iPhone, PC and Mac, as well as Android and Windows cell phones. To order or get more information, go the Amazon Kindle Store.