Pulpit Exchange

Volume XIII
Issue 7
July 2010

Pulpit Exchange

With the crisp, cool days of fall upon us and thoughts turning to the great, warm indoors, the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock has initiated an event commonly practiced among other traditional religions sects, the pulpit exchange.

This event typically involves participating churches, those secure enough in their beliefs, exchanging pastors for a day of services. A Saturday night sermon in St. Peter, Paul and Mary Catholic Church, for example, might be delivered by the rabbi from the Jerusalem Reformed Temple down the street. The temple congregation will simultaneously be getting views presented by the pastor from the Teutonic Evangelical Lutheran Church, while the St. Peter, Paul and Mary priest is leading Community Baptist Church in song.

Well, because many of our members or our loosely federated religism association do not formally have pastors, we decided to change the procedure somewhat. Instead of exchanging pastors, we will be exchanging actual pulpits for a day. Because CRYES does not hold services, we had a slight technical problem to overcome before we could enter the exchange. As luck would have it, we found a truly engaging, though slightly distressed, used pulpit at the local Goodwill Industries Store and snapped it up at a fraction of its original price, just 97 cents.

On Oct. 15, the official date of the first pulpit exchange, the CRYES pulpit will be gracing the sanctuary of the Packer Backers, a converted sports bar situated just off Highway 54 in New Franken, Wis. Many members of this Green and Gold sect have actually begun to question their faith in the wake of the series of disappointments they have faced since Superbowl XXXII. I sincerely hope that the inspiring presence of our pulpit, to which we have taped a life-sized poster of Brett Favre, will help them again find their way.

Members of the Pedestrians will send their pulpit, shaped like a giant, sandal-clad foot, to CRYES. The Pedestrians will get the one-story TY tag pulpit preserved in plastic and used so effectively by the Beanie Babies® Brigade. Heading for the Royal Rummies, in the scaled-down version of Windsor Castle used for their services, is the box office mockup from which sermons, as well as an assortment of high-priced and not very nutritional snacks, are delivered by the young women who compose the Temple of Titanic Devotion. The Temple will receive the Throne of King George III, which is used in all Rummies services.

That completes arrangements for our first pulpit exchange, almost certain to be an annual event for our religism association members. We are certain that each participant will gain valuable insights into the beliefs and practices that fellow members hold near and dear. A good time will be had by all.

Until next month, bless you for coming to CRYES, and may your preferred deities be always watching your back.

DISCLAIMER: The views, opinions and beliefs expressed by the Rev. Oral Groove and the Church of the Rotate Your Envelope Stock do not necessarily represent the views, opinions or beliefs of the Globe-Guardian management and do not, by any stretch of the imagination, represent the views, opinions or beliefs of the Globe-Guardian staff of hundreds.

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