Somebody
Celebrities don't get more obscure, or more talked-about in everyday conversation,
than this month's QuestionMan interview subject.
QuestionMan: I suppose that you think you're really
Somebody, huh?
Somebody: Why, you insolent young punk. Yes, that's one way people see me,
whenever they think I'm "putting on airs" or acting in an otherwise "holier
than thou" manner. Just who do you think you are, anyway, to take that tone with me?
How dare you?
QM: Wow, you really are Somebody. Please
forgive me. I didn't realize how important you are.
SB: That's better. Somebody should do something about your attitude, young
man. Somebody should teach you some manners.
QM: Hey, I said I was sorry. Nice transition,
though to one of your other roles.
SB: You noticed. I cringe whenever I hear the word "should"
immediately following my name. Just because I'm Somebody doesn't mean I should have to do
anything others feel is necessary but are unwilling to do themselves.
QM: Yeah, I see where that could be a problem.
SB: You have no idea. I mean, its not too bad when they just say
"Somebody should do something" and leave the exact action up to me. It's
generally a lot worse when they get more specific.
QM: What are some of the more demanding things
you've have to do?
SB: Well, there was that time that motorcycle gang was stomping a mime who
had wandered into a biker bar just before closing time and inadvertently made a gesture
patrons found offensive. I lost two teeth and sustained four broken ribs after a cowardly
bystander said "Somebody should help him" Then, there was the time I watching
"The Mask" and Jim Carrey's character shouted "Somebody stop me."
People in the theater actually expected me to stop him. It was a movie, for crying out
loud.
QM: So, in a sense, being Somebody entails
performing some heroic acts.
SB: To some extent, that's true. I've also spent time behind bars simply
because some idiots vow "Somebody has got to pay for this." Nothing heroic about
that.
QM: Are you compelled to act whenever anyone
calls for a course of action for Somebody?
SB: I am who I am. If I were to ignore a plea for Somebody to do something,
I would lose my identity. I would become "Somebody Else" or, even worse,
"Not Me."
QM: This has been very interesting, but I
think it's time for Somebody to end this interview.
SB: Very clever. OK, but I'll leave you with this quote in an effort to
make my life easier: "Ask not what Somebody can do for you; ask what you can do for
Somebody."
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