Computer Game Designer Guy

Volume XI
Issue 8
August 2008

QuestionLady is written and played by SL Stukey, herself an Obscure Celebrity of a sort. It is likely that somewhere, sometime, you have read something she has written, especially if you live in the Midwestern United States. She has been writing promotional material, instruction manuals, and other such everyday literature for many years (she'd say how many, if she could remember what year she started, it was 1989, or maybe 1991). She always thought she'd be a real writer someday, but she's not holding her breath anymore.

She can be contacted at:

Computer Game
Designer Guy

QuestionLady has been losing a lot of her spare time to a couple of computer games, so this month, she thought she’d track down one of the fiendish minds who make up these games. With her press pass from the good old Globe-Guardian, she was able to secure an interview with Computer Game Designer Guy. His company has a new game ready for release, and was probably expecting some publicity regarding the same. [As if QuestionLady would promote an imaginary game from an imaginary company.]

QuestionLady realizes that many Globe-Guardian readers do not play computer games, but she thinks they can identify with the frustrations produced by a product designer who designs the product for himself, and a few of his friends, rather than the consumer at large. QuestionLady started to list a few, but decided the list would be longer than the interview.

QuestionLady was escorted to Computer Game Designer Guy’s office by someone who appeared to be a close associate of Damn Nuisance. The associate genuflected toward Computer Game Designer Guy, and disappeared.

Computer Game Designer Guy’s office was filled with computers and toys. His desk was decorated with the action figures from the company’s flagship game. Computer Game Designer Guy put down the game controller he was using, parked his mouse, and beamed a jolly smile at QuestionLady. He leaned over the desk and shook hands.

[QuestionLady has deleted the first section of the interview, which dealt with Computer Game Designer Guy’s latest product.]

QuestionLady: Sounds like you have another winner on your hands. May I ask you a few general questions about computer games?
CGDG (big grin): Sure.

QL: I’ve played lots of games and I’ve always wondered why there is always one clue, puzzle, weapon, room, level, or other item that cannot be solved without finding a web page or a clue book to tell you about it.
CGDG (frowning): Heathens. You shouldn’t support those who publish spoilers and ruin the game for others.

QL: Um, I wouldn’t have finished most games without them.
CGDG: Don’t you want a challenge? Don’t you enjoy discovering the solution on your own?

QL: Challenge is one thing. The Unbeatable Game is quite another. I don’t turn to the ‘spoilers’ as you call them, until I have exhausted my patience. I’ve found that the item or feat I can’t ever figure out is usually the one that most people can’t figure out.
CGDG: The games can’t be ‘unbeatable’ if the bad people who set up unauthorized clue books and web pages can figure them out.

QL: Some of these guys have explained how they solved the problem, and it involves spending countless hours playing the game over and over, trying every conceivable (and some inconceivable) combination of actions, and searching each screen of the game pixel by pixel. I don’t consider that fun. And I’m obviously not the only one who feels that way, since plenty of people support those web pages and clue books.
CGDG (looking confused): Doesn’t everyone play a game by searching each screen pixel by pixel?

QL: No.
CGDG: Come on. Everyone loses himself in the exquisitely designed game world.

QL: Losing myself in the game world is fine, but I don’t sweep each screen from top to bottom, micron by micron. (Computer Game Designer Guy ponders this.) I know this is an unfamiliar concept, but not everyone who games looks at it as a second life. Many of us look at a computer game as an entertainment, not a lifestyle.
CGDG: Entertainment, yes, that’s what computer games are all about.

QL: Well, my idea of entertainment is playing for an hour or two, on occasion even playing for an hour or two every evening, and eventually finishing the game.
CGDG: What fun is that? The whole point of a computer game experience is to immerse yourself in it, to play without stopping until you know every possible outcome of every possible action. Of course, there are those pesky, unavoidable breaks for eating, sleeping, and necessary bodily functions. But other than that, the game one is currently playing should occupy your waking moments.

QL: Hmm. You left out the little matter of making a living, and, for those who have them, interacting with family members.
CGDG: Most jobs are happy to allow employees a few game breaks, and as for the family, the family who plays together, stays together.

QL: You don’t know many people outside the computer industry, do you?
CGDG: Well, no.

QL: I must say this has been enlightening, and explains a lot about the whole online game frustration experienced by many people. I’ve always wondered why every patch makes the game harder to play—even those sections supposedly designed for a beginning player.
[Note: An online computer game is one in which players from around the world play a game located on a central server computer via an Internet connection. These games are constantly ‘patched’, or updated, which changes the game play.]
CGDG (earnestly): No, no, we’re just improving the game play; players get bored over time.

QL: Yeah, those players who live in the game, not those of us who look upon a game as a pleasant pastime.
CGDG: As players become more sophisticated, the game must continue to give them a challenge.

QL: So, what you’re saying is: Your games are designed for the small market of people who game as a way of life?
CGDG: Not exactly. Anyone can enjoy our games.

QL: But only people who are willing to dedicate their lives to playing a particular game are going to get the complete game experience. Why don’t you put that on the box? Along with the system requirements and the warning on violent games, place something to the effect of "This game requires 15-18 hours of daily play to remain current with the game action." That way, anyone who doesn't plan on making that particular game a way of life don’t waste money.
CGDG: The game world is open to all.

QL: I have to hand it to you. You have found a way to make a product and a lifestyle for a very small market, and have it subsidized by large numbers of average consumers.
CGDG (Aggrievedly): I don’t see it that way — we provide entertainment for the whole family. I get many letters from families who detail how Mom, Dad and the kids all play our games.

QL (soothingly): I’m sure you do. Thank you for clearing up the whole game concept for me.

Computer Game Designer Guy shakes hands with QuestionLady, and gives her copies of several of his company’s current games and an assortment of the spin-off toys. Back at the office, QuestionLady has placed several of the toys on her desk, but has yet to load the games, either at work or at home. The Globe-Guardian frowns upon game playing during the workday, and at home QuestionLady has laundry to do, interviews to conduct, and naps to take, and cannot, at this time, devote her life to a computer game.

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