Copier Guy

Volume XI
Issue 8
August 2008

QuestionLady is written and played by SL Stukey, herself an Obscure Celebrity of a sort. It is likely that somewhere, sometime, you have read something she has written, especially if you live in the Midwestern United States. She has been writing promotional material, instruction manuals, and other such everyday literature for many years (she'd say how many, if she could remember what year she started, it was 1989, or maybe 1991). She always thought she'd be a real writer someday, but she's not holding her breath anymore.

She can be contacted at:

Copier Guy

This month, QuestionLady talks to Copier Guy. Copier Guy comes in more than one variety: there is Pocket Protector Copier Guy, T-Shirt and Jeans Copier Guy, Suit-and-Tie Copier Guy, Coveralls Copier Guy. They may look different, but they all speak the same language, so in the end, there is only one Copier Guy.

The Copier Guy who came to the Globe-Guardian offices was a Coveralls Copier Guy. He was pleasant young man, named Bill, or so said the name sewn on his coveralls. He was visiting the Globe-Guardian offices to fix the copier on the 22nd floor, which has never worked properly since the guys from accounting used it to copy their fantasy football charts and stats (and are currently using it, when it works, to copy their fantasy baseball charts and stats.)

Copier Guy enters QuestionLady’s office.

Copier Guy: I’m here to fix the copier. (Looks around for a copier.)
QuestionLady: It’s not here, it’s on the 22^nd floor. This is only the 15^th floor. (Copier Guy sighs. Once again a receptionist has sent him to the wrong part of the building. Pause while QuestionLady takes Copier Guy up to the 22nd floor.)
How’s the Copier Guy world going? (She is not quite sure how to start an interview with someone who doesn’t seem inclined to talk.)
CG (startled): What?

QuestionLady decides to wait until the copier is fixed to start the interview. She doesn’t want Copier Guy to flee before the machine is fixed.

QL: Never mind. (They reach the copier. It looms before them, several error lights flashing, as they have been since January. Copier Guy inspects the copier.)
CG: Got a paper jam. That’s all. You could have cleared that yourself.

QL: But there’s no paper in the paper path. We looked for paper jams; we removed ALL the paper from the machine, hit the reset button, and turned the machine off and then back on. (Copier Guy opens the front and checks the paper path himself, and indeed, finds no paper actually jammed in the machine.)
CG: Must be a sensor problem. (Copier Guy proceeds to dismantle various bits of the copier, cleaning certain parts, and adjusting other parts. When he is finished, the copier works.) What kind of paper do you use? (QuestionLady shows him the Globe-Guardian paper stock—which is a typical office paper marked as suitable for copiers. It is not an expensive bond type, but it is not a cheap flimsy type either.) There’s your problem.

QL: What do you mean? It’s paper. Paper for a copier. (To her horror, QuestionLady finds herself speaking in telegraphic sentences similar to Copier Guy, who suddenly blossoms into an eloquent speaker, and delivers a mini-lecture about paper, types thereof, and why ordinary office copier paper is completely unsuitable for a copier, and why the Globe-Guardian needs to buy a certain type of paper which is twice as expensive as the current paper stock. Coincidentally, the recommended paper is sold by the paper subsidiary of the copier company. QuestionLady would transcribe this informative dialog, but she did not completely follow his explanation, in large part because she didn’t want to.) It’s PAPER. It’s all paper, and it’s supposedly designed to be used in a copier.
CG (returning to his laconic self): Using that paper will cause you trouble.

QL: It is marketed as paper to be used in copiers. People all over the country buy it, and use it in their copiers. They can’t all be having this much trouble. (Copier Guy shrugs, as he reassembles the copier.) I’m supposed to interview you, that’s why they sent you to my office, but somehow, I don’t feel like it now.

QuestionLady escorts Copier Guy to the elevator. Within the next two days, the copier started flashing paper jam again. Instead of calling Copier Guy, one of the guys in accounting got the Guy from the Mailroom to fix it. Turns out the Guy from the Mailroom used to be a Copier Guy, and knows how to clean sensors.

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