Documentary Imagery
Q: How do you download a picture or image from the internet as a
document?
A: A puzzling question. Wasn't it Shakespeare who said: "An image by
any other name is a document"? To directly download a picture or an image from the
internet as a document, you might try to locate the legendary freeware browser Gibberish
1.0. No later versions exist, and no web sites are currently known to carry the
application. If you cannot find Gibberish, you can achieve the same effect by downloading
an image via your current browser and converting it to a document. To to this, open
the image in a program like Microsoft WordPad and the underlying gibberish version of the
image will magically appear on your screen. Then, save it as a document, using the .doc
extension. To reconvert it into an image, reverse these steps. Now, Answerman's question
is: why would anyone want to do this? Attempting to get around someone's attachment
restrictions, perhaps?
A Cold Day in Hell
Q: I noted with amusement that your weather story of last month
included the fact that Hell had frozen over. Just how did your time-traveling reporter
obtain this amazing piece of information? (see New bureau
tracking weird weather patterns)
A: A coldly calculating question. Yes, our intrepid Globe-Guardian
reporters will travel to the very depths of Hell to get a story. This particular bit of
data came directly from the Hades headman himself. In this case, Mr. Satan lodged a
strongly-worded complaint with the Environmental Protection Agency. It seems that his
realm is heavily dependent on fire to maintain order.
Dampening Dilemma
Q: I foresee a problem with the President's plan to pave Iraq. How
will the concrete army handle the Tigris and Euphrates rivers? (see President unveils plans to pave Iraq)
A: A dam good question. The plan calls for damming both rivers just inside
the Iraqi border, then channeling the flow into one of those big cement ditches; you know,
the kind that play such a big part in car chase scenes set in southern California? Turkey
and Syria will be authorized to sell electrical power generated by the dams to anyone in
the area who wants it.
Politically Incorrect
Q: I must protest your last Obscure Celebrities interview with
"The One." Don't you think making this person a female fantasy is a little
sexist? (see The One)
A: A piggish question. Yes, it is. Women are simply more romantic than
men, as nearly any woman will testify. Despite best efforts to achieve a unisex society,
substantial distinctions remain between the sexes. Vivre la différence!
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