Millennia Mania
Q: Is this the last year in the rest of our lives?
A: A YK2 bugaboo question. No, unless, of course,
you are slated to take the big dirt nap in 1999 anyway. The year 2000 is just another
arbitrary, time-keeping number invented by humans who need to know such things. It carries
no more significance than any other number assigned to a year, unless, of course, the
lights go out next Jan. 1. Hmm. On second thought, maybe you had better live this year
like it's your last. (see Year 2000
called off)
Missed Delivery?
Q: Why didn't my son get what he wanted for Christmas? Was it because Santa was
buzzing around the earth in the space shuttle instead of staying home and taking care of
business?
A: A parental copout question. No, Santa had completed all arrangements
for Christmas Eve long before liftoff, leaving any last-minute changes in the hands of his
efficient elfin staff. The problem must be at your end. Is your son, perchance, currently
being held in a juvenile detention facility? (see 'Merry'
day in orbit for oldest astronaut)
Parading Down Ventura
Boulevard
Q: How will Jesse Ventura do as President? What about Hulk Hogan?
A: A question for the WWF record books. According to our research, Jesse
turns out to be the most memorable American President in the third decade of the third
millennium, serving two scandal-free terms and leaving office with an outstanding 123-5-3
record. We regret to inform you that Hulk doesn't make it to the Oval Office. It seems
that the rest of the nation was not quite as ready as Minnesota for a wrestling chief
executive. (see President opens wrestling
govenors conference)
The Old Chief Inspector Ploy
Q: How can Jacques Clouseau possibly take over as chief U.N. weapons inspector
in Iraq? Didn't anyone tell you that Peter Sellers died?
A: A question of mistaken identity. True, the chief inspector and Peter
Sellers are virtually inseparable, as moviemakers painfully discovered when they tried to
continue the Pink Panther series following Sellers' all-too-early passing. We like to
think, however, that his spirit lives on in his most memorable character and that he would
do an excellent job of bringing humor, if not success, to the situation in Iraq. (see
Chief inspector vows to tame 'Iraqi swine')
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