Todays of Our Lives
Q: Is today really the tomorrow we were expecting yesterday?
A: A timely question with a variety of possible answers. For those who were
expecting a 24-hour period ending in the letter "y," the answer is an
unconditional "yes." For those who were expecting today to be the first day in
the rest of their lives, the answer is "sure, why not?" For anyone expecting
anything else, the answer is "who wants to know?"
Hypothetically Speaking
Q: What if everyone suddenly started talking in terms exactly opposite of
what was actually meant?
A: A question of mass miscommunication. For most of us, that might be a
problem. For our elected officials, however, that would simply be business as usual.
Ban Bill Bashing
Q: How about giving our poor, beleaguered President a break? ("Clinton delivers annual
apology"). After all, he didn't do anything most Washington politicians, including
Republicans, haven't done themselves.
A: A powerfully abusive question. We're sorry, and we do hereby make
formal apologies for our disparaging presidential remarks of last issue. How could anyone
possibly get excited, er, upset, over a 50ish chief executive using the most powerful
office in the land to bag a 20-something woman on government property? You may note that
this issue's "FutureNews™" is complete devoid of Clinton
"sexploitation."
Managerial Malaise
Q: How come you think that American managers are not reddy (sic) to go to
work, like you sed (sic) in your October interview?
A: A strangely familiar question. Wait a minute; aren't you that recent high
school graduate who so eloquently defended your readiness for the labor market in our
August issue ("Educated Inquiry")? Allow us to
be among the very first to salute your promotion to the talented ranks of American
management. Your contributions to employee handbook revisions are certain to be the stuff
of legends.
Self-Deceiving Sex Symbols?
Q: Why do Robin Williams and Jack Nickolson think
they can still play romantic leads? Don't these guys own a mirror?
A: A question on the minds of many who have seen What Dreams May
Come. First, let's clear up your misconception. These two men are unlikely to jointly
own a mirror. Quite probably, each independently owns several mirrors and may even
use them on a daily basis. More to your point, both are extremely talented actors who
undoubtedly have their choice of scripts. If they want to play romantic leads opposite
women young enough to be their daughters, they do. Call it the "Clinton
Syndrome." It all boils down to you. If you and others like you pay your
hard-earned money to see these men play romantic leads, these films will do well at the
box office. If they do well, movie magnates will continue to award romantic leads to
Williams, Nickolson and possibly Regis Philbin. Help stop the madness; restrict yourself
to films starring the multi-talented Antonio Banderas.
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