Missed It by That Much
Question: Did your PEEKING™ reporter
screw up in the Mir story you ran in
August of 1998. Didn't you guys have the space station crashing into some little
town in the Midwest or something? What's up with that?
AnswerMan: A timely question. More like what's down
with that, don't you mean? Foolish person, have you not read either our disclaimer
section concerning changes in the space-time continuum or our cautionary summary
of the Iron Law of Time Travel included in our
explanation of Projection
Enhanced Expeditionary Kinetic Image News Gathering?
OK, so we said the station would come down on Jan. 1, 2001, in New Munster,
Wisconsin. Given the ever-varying nature of timelines, one out of three ain't
bad.
Photo Op
Q: Why did the media
want to gain access to the late, great Dale Earnhardt's autopsy photos?
Does the public really have a right to know such things?
A: A racy question. Supposedly, the Orlando Sentinel
and others sought the photos in order to have an expert look at them for reports on NASCAR safety
Going Places?
Q: I'm extremely concerned over the direction we
are taking as a nation. Can you tell me where we're going and when we'll
get there?
A: A navigational question. It seems that a recent national
poll showed that President George W. Bush's approval rating has lost seven percentage points in the
space of a month because Americans have become increasingly worried about the country's direction.
Come on, George, stop doing the manly thing, pull the nation into the
nearest gas station and ask for directions. It's OK to admit you're
lost. Better yet, just let Dick get behind the wheel.
Outback Ousting
Q: Is Jerri really out of the game?
A: A question of survival. Yes, yes, yes! Finally,
the remaining Ogakors took a break from their Kucha extermination agenda
to rid themselves of the longstanding pain in their sides known as Jerri.
Why not? The Ogakors still have the numbers to ax Nick, Elisabeth and
Rodger, plus they will now be free to make rice any damn way they want.
Tortillas? They don't need no stinking tortillas.
[ Home ]