Fear the Future
Question: Did Nostradamus prophesize the election victory by
George W or something to do with questionable chads?
AnswerMan: A psychic question. Spake Nostradamus: "In the year
2000 and 11 months, From the discarded chads of Florida shall come an alarmingly
inept king to raise again the Flag of Bush. Mars shall reign at
will, wreaking much havoc among the people and the land."
What Price, Love?
Q: Hey...What do you mean how much are they going to cost
you ("Say What")? Don't you have a
smart and sexy girlfriend right now warming the cockles
of your heart? Wassup wit dat?
A: A question of mistaken identity. I believe
you have confused me with our esteemed and beloved publisher (not that I
feel any need to kiss his broad backside). Rumor has it that he has,
indeed, entered a satisfying and rewarding relationship with a perfect
woman and he is now an extremely happy and contented
man. All I know for certain is that he seems a lot less cranky these days.
Gotta be sumthin' up wit dat.
I Am Woman, Hear Me Think
Q: Do woman have a brain?
A: A curiously worded question. Say, English isn't your first
language, is it? I'm also guessing that you don't spend a lot of time in
the company of the fairer sex. Every woman has a brain, although some
occasionally feel pressured to disguise that fact. It's common knowledge that
a woman's most important sex organ is her brain. Your failure to recognize
and make use of this knowledge says something about the state of your own
gray matter.
Tax Dodge?
Q: What if you could learn how to legally,
lawfully, and ethically never pay income tax again?
A: A loophole question. Is it legal, lawful or ethical
to send e-mail messages asking this question? Does the IRS know about you
and your offer? What if I could forward your message to a crack regulatory
agency which would ensure that you never send such spam again? Nice to
hear from you. Write again soon.
Defiled Files?
Q: Does the Fox television network really believe that
"The X-Files" series is being threatened by the UW-Madison "Why
Files" web site?
A: An alphabetical question. Fox attorneys, who
have been demanding that the university cease using the name since January of
2000, seem to be convinced of this threat from cyberspace. Hey, I've heard of a
pornographic production called "The XXX Files." Shouldn't that be a
higher cease-and-desist priority of terms of "a play on words to trade off on the goodwill of our client's
trademark"?
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