Browserlock?
Question: You locked your site into my f------g browser. If you are trying to
p--s people off, you're doing a good job by inserting the hidden browser thing. Most
people won't come back to a f------g site that plays games with them. You might want
to consider not being an a-----e in the future.
AnswerMan: A question of confusion. The mystery of locking browsers is one I
have never been able to solve in my own surfing experiences, but I can assure you that a
"hidden browser thing" on any Globe-Guardian page not is the culprit. What would
be the point? These pages are decidedly "low-tech," in the vast Web scheme of
things. I suggest that you examine your own system for possible hardware or software
conflicts. Trying another browser might be a good start. Hey, do you handle your food with
the same fingers that type these messages?
Socially Acceptable?
Q: Is it true that I can become a happy, carefree social butterfly just by
taking a prescription pill?
A: An euphoric question. Yes, it's true. Be advised, however, that this new
anxiety-easing medication, which goes by the generic handle of paroxetine hydrochloride,
does not do its job without an assortment of possible side effects. These include
dizziness, sweating, nausea, tremor, constipation and "ejaculatory disturbance."
This little helper may make you ready to interact with others, but will others be ready to
interact with the new you?
Armored Amour
Q: I understand that purchases of armored cars have been rising as the national
crime rate has been dropping. Does that make any sense to you?
A: A raging question. On American roadways increasingly populated by heavily
armed sport utility vehicle drivers, this makes perfect sense. Not only are armored car
owners better protected in gunfire exchanges, they gain significant weight advantages in
high-speed ramming contests. Watch for the next logical development in this area --
armored car demolition derbies.
How Much is That Robot in the Window?
(The One with the Waggly Antenna)
Q: I would like to get a dog. Should I look for a puppy or opt for one of these
new robotic dogs?
A: A doggone stupid question. On the robotic side you'll get flashing eyes,
canine sound effects and a few poorly executed, doglike behaviors. On the organic side,
you will get warmth, face lickings and a devoted companion who thinks you're a god. Sure,
the robot won't need to be housetrained or neutered, but you won't need to replace your
genuine pooch's battery back or try to get it repaired after the warranty runs out.
Fee Foe
Q: One of my pet peeves is the fee banks charge to use an Automatic Teller
Machine. Not only does my own bank charge me, but the bank which owns the ATM I use exacts
another fee from my dwindling account. Is anything being done about this outrage?
A: A question of institutional greed. Take heart, my friend, the fee-free
revolution has begun on the West Coast and is spreading like wildfire across the land. The
overall objective of American banking institutions is to get your money, keep it and
charge you for the service. On the outside chance that a balance remains after all fees
have been deducted, banks will do their best to absorb that balance through a steady
barrage of mail order offerings and telemarketing calls. The most economically viable
financial institution of the future may well be the First National Mattress Bank, which
has 24/7 branch offices in bedrooms throughout the United States.
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