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Dr. Phil -- The Man, I’d like to introduce myself and explain a few things up front to clear up any misconceptions you may have. I am an average (a questionable term), middle-aged woman from the Midwest. I am a parent, am involved in a "meaningful" relationship and have more friends than any one person has a right to have. I work a full-time job in a professional office. I’m involved in my community. I go to aerobics several nights a week. I have a social life. I preface all this information I can't be accused of not having a life. Here’s my secret. I tape Oprah every Tuesday. Why? Because I’m addicted to Dr. Phil. What can I say? I count the hours every Tuesday afternoon until 5:00 p.m. when I can finally leave my corporate cubicle and rush home so Dr. Phil can show me the way. Dr. Phil holds the answers to relationships, financial responsibility, weight control, parental control, healthy friendships, and sexual compatibility. He’s the real live Cosmo, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, and Playgirl all wrapped into one tall, balding, softly scolding, southern drawling messiah for all that’s good and evil in big, scary world of love, life and relationships. Imagine my joy and rapture when a recent show focused on Women Who Try to Change Their Men. Now I’ve been falsely accused of being a bit of a take charge kind of woman in my relationships in the past and present. I’ve always refuted this charge against me and simply claim to be misunderstood. I prefer to think of myself as strong willed yet soft around the edges. John and Rochelle, a hapless couple, came to Dr. Phil because they were having control issues in their relationship. I was eager to hear Phil's no-nonsense approach to their "issues" and follow up with his 5-step cure. The doctor's tell-it-like-it-is advice would most assuredly equal the forces of power for this misguided twosome and save another relationship from eminent doom. Now I believe woman have had to be strong to be heard, to get their due, to become equal partners in relationship. Power to the sisterhood! Alleluia to Oprah for getting the word out. Yeah, well, ummm, yikes. This woman would have scared the bejesus out of Hitler! Rochelle not only controlled, she left verbal scars. Control issues? Rochelle nagged, belittled, changed, rearranged, rattled and rolled her poor husband until there was nothing left but an empty shell of a man who was afraid of his own shadow – and that’s only if she allowed him to have a shadow. What words of wisdom did our superhero, Dr. Phil, have for this piranha? Well naturally Dr. Phil said all the things that we’ve come to expect from him. He got Rochelle to agree that the problem wasn’t hers and John’s, but rather just hers. He had nodding consent that she had taken on the parent role and assigned John bad child role. He even had Rochelle admit that she may have some issues of her own and could possibly use some type of "therapy." Praise the Lord, just as expected, Dr. Phil had saved another soul and, in the process, another marriage. But wait. What's that I hear? Can it be? As Oprah’s readying the camera to pan out for the last commercial before "Remembering Your Spirit," Rochelle can be heard in the background debating with the good Doc, John’s table manners and the way he holds his fork and how dare he leave the table before she’s done eating, he didn’t tell her he adored her and didn’t he have a can of root beer earlier that day? Huh? She was questioning our man of the hour? Oh my God. I think Dr. Phil met his match. I was shaken. I can now tell you that I’ve recovered since that show. I can almost admit out loud that Dr. Phil is human and even he can’t fix everything, right? Why today, he brought a shopaholic to tears when he told her she was spending herself into divorce. A single mom hung her head in shame when our man scolded her for trying to buy her children’s love with an unaffordable trip to Disneyland. My faith has been restored. Yes, Dr. Phil is well and alive on Tuesday afternoons and I for one can sleep well at night just knowing he’s out there to save us from ourselves! Thank you Dr. Phil. Peace has once again been restored in reality land! Copyright
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